Witness My Descent

Madness or triumph

MelissaWithAPen
2 min readFeb 22, 2024

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Photo by Henry Be on Unsplash

You may be witnessing my descent into madness or my triumph over mental illness. I don't know which, but the latter seems unlikely.

I’m just going to be honest with you, I have absolutely no idea what is going on. I’m pretty much putting one foot in front of the other hoping that I don’t fall flat on my face. Before taking each step, I pray no one realizes that I’m slurring my words and forgetting phrases. I’m not sure why that’s happening, but so far I’m the only one that seems to be concerned. Maybe they are not concerned because they are not even listening to me or maybe there’s a chance I’m only saying these words in my mind.

Like I said, I'm not really sure what's going on.

I stare at the people around me and the one thing I know for sure is that they're not laughing with me. I join in, but the laughter quickly stops. I guess I have my answer.

Wait. Were they even laughing?

There's a huge chance that their laughter was in my head, but I'm almost positive I laughed out loud.

Someone just asked if I was alright. Not sure if I responded or if I just stared at her until she walked away.

I'm going to be completely honest with you. I don't know if any of this is real.

I'm sitting here staring down at my phone trying to get all of this down before I forget what I want to say. I don't know if this will ever come in handy, but it may serve as evidence that in my mind the straws I was grasping felt real. They may only be in my mind, but each moment feels real for that moment in time.

I'm not sure about the tapping down the hall, but I'm going to ignore it, because if that's real then it would mean that I'm not alone.

Hold on.

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